City Witch: Urban Love
By Christopher Penczak
Love is the heart of the best magick I’ve ever done. Magick is powered by our emotions, and although any strong emotion can fuel our spellcraft and kindle our will, I like focusing on the emotion of love whenever possible. If you believe that what you send out returns to you, then its great to power your spells through love, for it will manifest through love upon its return to you.
When people hear me talking about love and magick, some simply assume that it is a benign, airy, insubstantial love. Magical love can be powerful, fierce and intense. In some traditions of witchcraft, initiated are threatened by sword point, to only enter the magick circle in a state of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust. This spiritual love, unconditional love is not the personal love of movie and greeting cards, but a divine, all encompassing love.
Love comes in many forms. Our western culture and English language uses one word to describe many different states of consciousness. Love can involve friends, family, romantic partners, sexual passions and spiritual devotion. Love represents a spectrum of awareness.
The urban world has many of us struggle with two currents in the spectrum of love – the romantic quest and the spiritual quest. Though seemingly unrelated, the lessons for both are quite magical.
Spiritual Love
The quest for enlightenment does not seem particularly urban, though for a witch desiring to embody perfect love and perfect trust, its an everyday struggle with the sheer number of people in one small space, from a variety of background, beliefs and personalities. Any major city is like a microcosm of the world. Multiple views are represented, and in this somewhat closed system, they all have to figure out now only how to get along, but how to eventually thrive for the betterment of all involved.
City living can be confrontational, to say the least, and the multitude of distractions assaulting our senses, pollutions on the physical, visual, sonic and most importantly the psychic level, it is hard to find a state of peace and equilibrium, much less maintain it for very long in a provocative situation.
Many on the spiritual path equate spiritual, unconditional love, with unconditional relationships. They feel the model of love is complete receptivity and passivity. Such a path without both emotional and psychic boundaries is not very compatible with urban life, or in fact, with social community based life, since defining our boundaries is an important aspect of maintaining our health and integrity.
Witches learn all about boundaries, and hopefully can apply our magical knowledge metaphorically in relationship as well. Casting ritual circle and creating sacred space creates boundaries, separating mundane times and activities from the spiritual, setting a
”space beyond space and a time beyond time” to celebrate and make magick. The image used, a circle or energetic bubble, is a boundary, much like the sacred space around everybody’s body, witch and non-witch alike, that is often referred to as our aura or energetic bodies. Most people perceive this space as their personal space, and know when someone has violated it be entering it uninvited, or projecting a intimidating presence within it. We are sovereign in our personal space, unless we cannot maintain the boundaries of it and allow uninvited guests, and uninvited psychic energy into it.
My perceiving the aura as a personal temple of perfect love and perfect trust, a sacred magick circle, around us all the time, we can use our magick to create greater health and well being in our daily life. Such thoughts do not mean we are constantly “between the worlds” and ungrounded throughout our daily life. We can be in a sacred space and still be grounded in the physical world. It takes the attitude of seeing the sacred in all places, all people and all situations. That’s a tough job. We don’t want to see the sacred when people upset us, make us angry, sad or tired. But it is in those situations when it is the most important of all to see the sacred.
Perfect love, or unconditional love is seeing the sacred in all things, but it is impersonal. The love is not a response of personally liking or not liking someone. It is based on their innate, divine nature. It is detached from the personal. You can have unconditional love without unconditional relationships by knowing the difference between the two levels of being.
Personally, I can think you are a big jerk who is trying to hurt my feelings and be very angry with you right now, but simultaneously, I can love the divine essence within you. That second current helps me respond appropriately to the situation, rather than react and say or do something I might regret. But even with that second, impersonal perspective, I might decide that appropriate thing is to express my righteous anger of the situation, and let you know your behavior is wholy inappropriate. I don’t love you any less on the divine level, and that frames my response in a responsible manner.
People think that if they love someone unconditionally, they should let that person say or do anything they want, because any other action would mean they were not a spiritually loving person. That is simply untrue! They are confusing the personal boundary with the detached, impersonal perspective. If you love yourself unconditionally, which is the requisite for loving another, you have to love yourself enough to maintain your own health and sanity.
I can feel a great love for you, but not even really know you personally. Often at healing workshops that generate a great sense of unconditional love, people walk away feeling incredibly connected. They maintain contact, and then later feel shocked by the person they get to know. Some feel betrayed because the personal contact did not live up to the intense, unconditional love of a magical retreat. The friend did not betray you, you simply got to know them on the personal love, and they turned out to be different than your ideal of them. Until we study forms of mysticism, we are not taught the differences between these kinds of love – personal and unconditional.
Personal Sacred Space
Maintaining duel perspectives of personal and impersonal worlds is very difficult. It is one of the ways witches can exist “between the worlds” yet be fully in the physical and grounded. I find it quite helpful in the most exasperating situations, though its not foolproof. We all have moments when we confuse the two. It’s part of the human experience and is completely natural and normal. The more we can maintain the balance, and express ourselves in a healthy way, the greater chance we can create our community with a harmony for all.
Try this exercise to help maintain your personal sacred space between these two perspectives. It will maintain your boundaries between yourself and the energies that might overwhelm you in the world.
Sit quietly in a meditative state. Imagine the space around you as a bubble or vortex of energy. I imagine myself in an egg like shape of colored light. The light on the inside shell of the “egg” is like a churning liquid that moves and responds to my thoughts and emotions. Imagine at the bottom of this shape is a deep tap root, an energetic trail that grounds you, like a grounding wire, tied deep in the earth.
Using your will, focus the energy of your eggshell, making it crystalize, giving it a quartz like quality, making it semi transparent. With this crystal shield, you are programming it to allow in whatever you need, but to block out what you don’t. Surround your shield with a “transformative” fire and light. I imagine it as a violet or purple flame, but whatever colors symbolizes transformation to you.
Allow whatever unwanted energies that come your way be “burned” in the transformative flame, and direct the ash down to the bottom of the shell, down through the tap root, where the Earth can transform it.
When you feel yourself in a reactive mode, when you feel your emotional state get personal and uncomfortable, and you feel unable to see the divinity in a situation, and we all do no matter how advanced we might think we are, mentally activate the flame. Feel it dissolve away the unhealthy links and cords we are making to another, and even dissolve away our own unhealthy feelings we could be projecting. All the shield and flame to help you detach from the immediacy of the situation, and view it from another perspective. It doesn’t mean that your problem or issue will magically go away. It doesn’t mean that people will always say nice things, or what you want to hear. It will create some breathing room so you can reflect and explore your feelings, rather than blinding react to the situation.
Romantic Love
Only once we have a strong sense of self-identity and personal boundaries are we ready for a serious romantic relationship. There’s something about the magick of cities that naturally calls romantics together. Kindred souls, seeking the arts, education, excitement and any of the other attractions of the city life, find joy in each other’s arms, and true understanding of their interests and passions. Cities inspire the feeling of magick, that you can find that true special someone. I know when I was dating, some of the most magical romantic moments were set amid the picturesque scenes of Boston, Cambridge and trips to New York City. The lights and skyline, the vibrant artistic scene and the plethora of exciting restaurants and shops to explore together make an adventure for any new couple. Recently walking the streets of Montreal with my partner, we were reminded of the magick of our first few dates, sitting out by the sidewalk cafés, talking for hours. Cities inspire people to find their hearts and come together in love.
Unfortunately, many seek out the excitement and romance as a distraction from learning self-love and self-identity. Many have the erroneous notion of “finding the other half” or being otherwise incomplete, and needing the love of another to be fulfilled and complete. Those are the ones who often feel betrayed by the mystery and magick of the city, continually finding their “soul” mate, a new one each week or month, and continually disappointed that their ideal partner did not turn out the way they expected. From the magical perspective, such notions confuse the personal and impersonal spheres and create disillusionment and heartbreak.
The key to breaking the cycle is a strong sense of self and an understanding that you are a reflection of the universe. Everybody is. You are complete unto yourself. Everybody is. No one is needed for completion or perfection, regardless of what romantic notions or new age doctrine you might have. A romantic partner (or partners for those seeking poly-amorous relationships) are ideally compliments to you, and you are to them. But you are solely responsible for your own health, happiness and well being. It’s no one’s job to take care of all your needs. No one magically fits your every want and desire.
Relationships are work. Our storybook romances, particularly our books and movies set amid the romantic urban backdrop, end with the first union, be it kiss, date or wedding, and then the assumed “happily ever after” but such unions are only the true beginning of relationship. All the work of a relationship is not idealized, so it doesn’t make it to the silver screen.
Love Magick
Though in the first half of this article we used sacred space to maintain boundary and balance between our personal and impersonal perspectives, we can use our sacred space, and the flowing currents of energy interwoven in the cities, to attract those who are correct and good for us as romantic partners. If you feel you have a strong sense of self and are ready for such work, try this ritual.
Get your favorite sweet treat from someplace in the city – pastries or sweet bread work wonderfully. Make sure its something soft, and not a hard candy. Cleanse two copper pennies, the metal of Venus, in running water. Your tap water is fine. Ideally on a Friday evening, when the Moon is waxing in light, think about your idea lover. Call upon the deities of love. In this modern era we commonly think of Venus/Aphrodite and Eros, but use whatever pantheon you feel the strongest connection. Hold the two pennies and think about the qualities you wish to attract and the type of relationship you desire. I personally suggest not focus on an individual you know, but the type of lover you desire, leaving the right one to come to you. I also would put in a catch phrase such as “I ask this be for the highest good, harming none” just to make sure things don’t backfire. Take a small bite of your treat, to taste the sweetness you wish in your love life. Place the two pennies into pastry and then take a journey to a location in the city where you reside that is romantic to you. You destination can be near a particularly romantic restaurant, a happening nightclub scene or anyplace else that resonates with the type of love you want. Leave the penny laced treat in a crossroads near the romantic spot, allowing the energy of the crossroads, a place in between place, to guide your new love to your life. Then be open and aware, yet not obsessive, of new possibilities for you.
Explore the many types of love and love magick. Hold love within your heart and send it out around you. Your efforts will be rewarded on the personal, romantic and spiritual worlds.